I had been in the hospital 5 days now. I had fought with my mom and Morgan to get out. I knew I needed to stay but at this point they had let me get out of the bed to go to the bathroom, so I thought if they are letting me do this, why can't I go home and be comfortable. I knew I needed to stay but REALLY didn't want to. The last 5 days consisted of me laying in a hospital bed with my legs raised and flat on my back. I couldn't even sit up except to take my meds and eat and then had to lay right back down. For a person who HATES sitting still, this was torture. Some may have called me selfish for feeling this way but I believe you cannot judge a persons actions until you have been in their shoes.
By this time, reality had set it. Emotions had been up and down the whole time of being there. Thursday was the day I knew was going to be my last day in the hospital. When your body starts changing and doing weird things, I knew it was happening. Thursday was a long day and Morgan came to visit me after he was off and I kept saying things just so he would stay longer. I knew. But he needed to get going home since it was around 8pm and Bentley had been outside all day. As soon as he left, I just had to make it through the night. Late that night, I knew I was contracting but didn't say anything until I started to really feel them. With my pain tolerance that's how you know I was contracting if I actually said something. Around 11pm they put me on the contraction monitor for an hour. Of course, I had figured out that if I lay on my left side, they would stop. So what did I do? Of course, laid on my left side while I was being monitored. Morgan needed sleep and I really didn't want to wake him up in the middle of the night.
(This isn't a joke, I really waited the whole night)
December 7, 2012
The nurses came in at 4am to do my vitals and check the boys heartbeats, they came in every 4 hours and the entire time I was there the heartbeats were in the 140's and 150's (perfect range). Why did I want them out if they were happy inside? I didn't. They came in at 5 to check on me and that is when I told them I was pretty sure my water broke and that things were happening. It took about an hour for them to really get things moving. I called Morgan at 6 and told him he needed to get here NOW. So he hurried out the door for work and headed to the hospital to be with me. He let his work know what was going on and of course they let him be with me. He was worried because it was supposed to be a very busy day. So of course I felt bad for this all happening then. Morgan got there and I was just about to be examined (yes, it took about 45 minutes for them to get a dr to me). At that point, I was dilated to 6cm and they could see my bag.
I got moved into a Labor and Delivery room about 20 minutes later and by the time they had someone come check my cervix, I was dilated to 9cm. I had 2 really sweet nurses who were so helpful. As soon as I got in there loads, and loads of paperwork started. You get told all these different people are going to be coming in and talking to you at some point during the day and you don't even realize half of what they are saying cause at this point, you know what is happening. You have to make decisions that you never in a million years thought you were going to have to make. My room was set up for the boys, there was a warmer, a nice area where they would give them their bathes, a nice bassinet set up and everything. I was comfortable and ready to face what was ahead. Then the nurse came in and told me they had to move me. I was devastated. I had these perfect nurses that were going to help me every step of the way and now, I was being moved. This was about the 5th time I had been moved since I got there. It was rough. The room they moved me into was a "special care room" ya know, the one with the sliding glass doors, half the size of a delivery room, share a bathroom with the room next door type of rooms. I was livid. I moved into this room that had NOTHING set up for a delivery, because it wasn't a delivery room. I got a new nurse who was not the right nurse for our situation. I was so unhappy. Here I am, about to give birth to my beautiful sons not knowing how long we were going to get with them and I am angry because of the nurse I had and where I was placed. I freaked out. I felt so defeated. I went from being in a delivery room, to not even having a warmer in my room. They never moved one into my room which had me feeling lost. The pain started getting stronger and my emotions started flowing...I needed to start pushing because I could no longer handle having the boys inside, I needed to hold them. They started me on Pitocin (which was HORRIBLE) and I honestly don't think they needed to give it to me. I pushed about 7 times and out came Hudson at 2:23pm. What I didn't know at the time was that Hudson wanted to come out hand first, they could see his hand coming and needed to shift him around. Once he came it was so hard for me to be really focused on him, I was so happy but was so scared he wasn't breathing. He was, it was the first question I asked. I knew I had to push again cause Emerson was still in there. I got the OK for them to break my water for him and Emerson was out in less than 2 pushes at 2:39pm. He was ready to join the world. Once they were both together, it was like they were together in the womb. They were in separate sacs but they fit together perfect. Emerson laid his head on Hudson's shoulder and they just worked. We had no idea what to expect when they were born. We were told that they may come out screaming, they may come out silent. They were silent which we were happy about. We never got to see their eyes since they never opened but I think they would have had Morgan's bright blue eyes. Emerson had Morgan's arms and they both had my nose. They had the most perfect hands and feet it was just so crazy. They were so tiny they both fit in the palm of Morgan's hand. For his first time ever holding a newborn baby, he held his two sons at once at their very most fragile stage. He was a natural. Seeing him hold our boys was one of the greatest moments of my life. We spent every moment we could with them. We watched their hearts beat in and out. The Chaplin came in and while they were in my arms, they were Baptized which was something we decided would be best. It meant a lot to us both. Shortly after they were baptized they came in and said they were going to take them for their pictures. There was a photographer at the hospital who does photo's for families who will be losing their child or children. It was something I couldn't say no to. Once they were taken out of the room, away from mommy and daddy, is when they passed away. We did not watch them take their last breath, we saw them breathing and happy in our arms. We cherish every second we got with them.
Hudson William and Emerson Joseph
Mommy and Daddy are so proud of you. You fought a battle as long as you could. You lay in our arms so peaceful and innocent. We will never in a lifetime forget the moments we shared with you as your parents. We love you all the way to heaven and back again.
You will always be our Forever Angels
Love Always and Forever,
Mommy and Daddy
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